THERE’S NOTHING FRIENDLY ABOUT ABUSE Children are at risk when custody cases rely on a meritless theory of parental “alienation”
FILED IN: AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION, BARRY GOLDSTEIN, BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD,CENTER FOR JUDICIAL EXCELLENCE, CHILD CUSTODY, CHILD CUSTODY BATTLE, CHILD CUSTODY ISSUES,CHILD RAPE, CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE, CHILD CUSTODY FOR FATHERS, CORRUPT CUSTODY EVALUATORS,CORRUPT PSYCHOLOGISTS, DR. RICHARD GARDNER, JOAN ZORZA, NONCUSTODIAL MOTHERS, PAS,PARENTAL ALIENATION DISORDER, PARENTAL ALIENATION DISORDERS, PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME,CUSTODY EVALUATIONS, PARENTAL ALIENATION
Here is an article from the current issue of Ms. Magazine, written by someone who gets it…Dr. R. Dianne Bartlow:
There’s Nothing Friendly About Abuse
Children are at risk when custody cases rely on a meritless theory of parental “alienation”
It’s a statistic so unbelievable that it’s difficult to wrap your head around: A research review by lawyer and domestic violence expert Joan Zorza found that in about half of the 100,000 contested child custody cases each year in the United States, custody goes to the father – even though at least one-third of these fathers reportedly committed domestic violence against the mother or the child. In fact, women are actually more likely to win custody if they do not allege abuse.
The force behind these rulings are the innocuous-sounding “friendly parent” statutes on the books in at least 32 states, which mandate that courts, in deciding custody, consider how willing each parent is to facilitate a “close and continuing” relationship between the child and the other parent. This is one factor in determining what custody arrangements are “in the best interests of the child.”
“Friendly parent” statutes are a dressed-down form of a theory called Parental Alienation Syndrome. PAS theorizes that most accusations of child abuse (especially sexual abuse) made during a custody battle are actually fraudulent. Not only are the charges false, says the theory, but they are deliberately undertaken by one parent (in most cases, the mother) to “alienate” the child from the other parent (generally, the father).
Never mind that the American Psychological Association has said PAS has no valid merit, nor that PAS inventor Richard Gardner has also said that society “overreacts” to sexual abuse and that pedophilia is an honorable lifestyle choice. PAS lives on in “friendly parent” statutes and in the testimony of many court-appointed evaluators and mental-health professionals. Those who diagnose PAS often recommend that full custody go to the “alienated parent” (usually the biological father) and that unsupervised visitation with the “alienating parent” (usually the mother) be cut off.
Ultimately, these outmoded ideas maintain their grip because of a long-standing tradition of discrediting women’s concerns and believability in comparison to men’s, wrote Zorza in Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody (Civic Research Institute, 2010). Their effect is to lend powerful leverage to abusers.
“Severely abusive fathers may deliberately escalate their abuse to force the woman to complain, flee, or bargain away valuable marital assets, alimony or child support. They then retaliate by filing for custody, knowing they will likely be able to deprive the mothers of the children,” writes Zorza. “Other abusive fathers use the “friendly parent” concept to force the mother to pay them child support and to deprive her of any visitation.”
The consequences can be dire. According to the Center for Judicial Excellence, a court advocacy organization, an estimated 75 children nationwide were murdered between June 2009 and April 2010 by abusive fathers who won custody battles.
Currently, about half of the states in the U.S. have laws requiring courts to consider domestic violence on an equal basis with factors such as “friendly parent” statutes when making custody determinations. But family courts have wide discretion in how heavily to weigh domestic violence. The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges and the American Bar Association recommend that abuse be given more consideration than other factors in custody cases – and that courts withhold sole or joint custody from anyone with a history of domestic violence.
It’s high time for parents and the public to know what’s going on in these situations, says Barry Goldstein, co-editor of Domestic Violence, Abuse, and Child Custody: “I believe that if the public was aware of the frequency in which courts make fundamental mistakes and send children to live with abusers, the practice would quickly end because it would not be tolerated.”
R.Dianne Bartlow, PH.D., is associate professor of gender and women’s studies at California State University, Northridge.
Local Issues (Americans For Prosperity and Kansas Judges)Approximately about a month ago, Patriotic Thunder attended a Americans For Prosperity conference here in Wichita, Kansas. In attendance were many state and…
WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!
THE BATTERER AS PARENT-Silverman, Bancroft, Jaffee | Suing the Abuser Criminal Rewards | Judicial Abuse Understanding the Batterer In Custody Disputes | Gaurdian ad Litems-(Battered Mothers and children) |
You can chain me, you can torture me,you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind. –Gandhi (nor our children’s)
‘It is ‘just us’ mommy, there is no one who will help us. ‘
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Here we go again. I’m sure that this blog post will piss off more than a few men and women, but I’d like to speak for the rights and welfare of hard-working primary caregiving mothers for a change, since they don’t seem to get much attention in the media these days. Too often I see puff pieces exalting the role of fatherhood that either ignore the day-to-day contributions and sacrifices mothers have always made or these articles find a way to debase mothers, especially single and divorced mothers and poor mothers. It’s about time someone stood up for the moms out there who don’t get the glowing media attention they so richly deserve.
The last time I wrote about stay-at-home dads was June 20, right around Father’s Day because I figured – rightly – that there would be a fair share of articles out there about how the dads who lost jobs in this economy have turned into the mother’s dream of the helpful and attentive Stay-At-Home Dad. Now the stay-at-home dad story has made it to The Huffington Post (a publication I thought would know better, but then again progressive publications are just as likely to publish fatherhood exaltation puff pieces as are conservative publications), written by a stay-at-home mom of four kids.
I can safely report that the Stay-At-Home Dad remains a rare and mythic figure, despite all the media attention he has been getting.
Stay-at-home dads are all the rage in the media since this rotten economy has forced many unemployed men back in the ranks of the homestead. Judging from the plethora of Father’s Day articles celebrating stay-at-home-dads, you would think that dads across the United States are turning into Mr. Mom at an unprecedented rate.
From a profile in Michigan’s Lansing State Journal:
[For Chris Singer], raising Tessa, who has huge, Gerber-baby blue eyes, adorably chubby legs and a smile that could melt the hardest of hearts is mission one. That means nights without sleep, trips to the library and zoo, loads of diapers, bottles, burp cloths and the conviction that doing the right thing right now.
From columnist Jeff Gillenkirk in the San Francisco Chronicle:
The number of stay-at-home dads rose nearly 60 percent between 2003 and 2008 and is expected to keep rising as the economy and family roles continue to change.
And now we have Kari Henley, who positively basks in the glow of her own fatherhood exaltation. I found it interesting that in comments she admits she does not have a relationship with her own father. I don’t know whether the relationship has been distant or if her father has died but it’s a very telling statement. She also wrote this: “You seem to echo a similar theme here that is so important…. fathers need space to become the parents they can be.” When did dads need permission to be dads? Why not just take the reins and do the damned job? And don’t tell me that your wife won’t “let” you. That’s only an excuse. When it comes to parenting, most couples work things out that one takes the lead and the other follows that lead. Most often, the one taking the lead is mom, whether or not she works outside the home. There can’t be two generals running the homestead.
Most dads have no problem taking orders from mom in this capacity. They recognize that she is the primary caregiver of the children and they follow her lead. When it comes to the cultural drive for “shared parenting” in America, I firmly believe that parents should “share” parenting after divorce the way they did when they were married, and most often that meant mom taking the lead and dad following. Most dads are not and were not primary caregivers of their children. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s not a failure on dad’s part to not be his children’s primary caregiver. It’s simply a style of parenting that works for most couples and has worked for a very long time.
Most divorces don’t end up being heard in front of a judge and most dads agree that mom had been the primary caregiver all along, so they agree mom should continue in that capacity after a divorce. That’s 85% of divorces. If both parents agree to try “shared parenting”, nothing is stopping them. It’s that 15% of troublesome cases including domestic violence, affairs, abandonment, child abuse, ne’er do wells, passive aggressive jerks, anger issues, drug, alcohol, and gambling problems, and other serious “issues” that cause problems for the rest of the folks who can make up their own minds about their divorces and custody issues. This minority should not drive the court experiences of the majority who are capable of working things out on their own without meddling from “experts” who feed off divorce and custody cases such as custody evaluators, psychological evaluators, “shared parenting” proponents, “experts” who tout junk science such as “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (which just got rejected from the DSM-V, by the way), “experts” who support “friendly” parent provisions, parenting coordinators, mediators, those who work in visitation centers, guardians ad litem, etc., etc., ad nauseum.
Court-imposed “shared parenting” has been proven to be an abysmal failure. It’s so bad that Australia, which has experimented with mandatory “shared parenting” for the past three years, is now reverting its laws back to when primary caregiving moms were awarded custody or when both parents decided mom should have custody because she had acted as the children’s primary caregiver all along.
My long-winded point is that any dad can say he “wants” to be a stay-at-home dad or a primary caregiving dad, but a divorce-bed conversion is not the place for experimentation. If he was actually a stay-at-home dad or actually the primary caregiver of the children, he should get custody. If he wasn’t, then all bets are off. The best of intentions and “wanting” custody doesn’t mean that you should get what you want. Courts and dads need to recognize the contributions and sacrifices mothers already make when tending to their children’s lives. “Shared parenting” is a slap in the face to those moms who have taken on the primary caregiver role and all the sacrifices that go with it.
Don’t be fooled. These feel-good stay-at-home dad stories are trotted out for Father’s Day and other times of the year, but the reality is not so rosy. It’s true enough that the tide of layoffs hashit men harder than women. But bona fide primary caregiving fathers are still rare, and a man doesn’t automatically become a primary caregiver of the children simply because he’s unemployed or underemployed. The horrid worldwide economy has simply created a larger number of unemployed/underemployed men who aren’t picking up the slack at home.
In The New York Times, author Catherine Rampell describes the more complex reality:
On average, employed women devote much more time to child care and housework than employed men do, according to recent data from the government’s American Time Use Survey analyzed by two economists, Alan B. Krueger and Andreas Mueller.
When women are unemployed and looking for a job, the time they spend daily taking care of children nearly doubles. Unemployed men’s child care duties, by contrast, are virtually identical to those of their working counterparts, and they instead spend more time sleeping, watching TV and looking for a job, along with other domestic activities.
So despite media fantasies, men getting laid off means that many moms are now acting as both the primary caregiver and the primary wage earner. Most mothers are already the primary caregiver of their children and that fact needs to be recognize in the media and in court. I know this point of view is not popular these days but it needs to be voiced, recognized, and addressed.
American Mothers Political Party Blogtalk Radio Show TODAY! Call-in Number: (347) 205-9977 7/22/10 @5pm EST
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Mothers across the world are uniting to expose the criminals of family court. We demand justice and equality within the system. We will discuss the impact that Responsible Fatherhood Initiatives have done to Motherhood. We will share what we have uncovered and who has been paid off. Please join us and share your story of family court nightmares!
Hosted by: Lorraine Tipton, Blogger, Activist/Advocate for Mothers Rights and co-founder of AMPP. Expert in domestic violence, family court corruption and custody disputes.
Special Guest: Alexis Moore, Founder of Survivors In Action national crime victims’ organization. Expert in cyberstalking, privacy protection, stalking, identity theft and domestic violence advocating so "No Victim is Left Behind"
AMPP is a social movement seeking justice and accountability within the family court system which includes DHHS/CPS, psychologists and other so called experts.
We as mothers demand CITIZENSHIP and our Rights to our Children. We demand that our children not be used as pawns by our abuser in a custody dispute. We demand that Mothers and Children be equally protected against court ordered visitation with an abuser. We demand that Mothers and Children be given the same rights, privileges and voice that the abuser gets in family courts!
We demand that our President take action now as can no longer afford to be silent and we won’t. We demand the same "rights and freedoms" to which all humans are entitled.
Behind the closed doors of the dirty little secret of the family court system, thousands of women each year lose child custody to violent men who beat and abuse Mothers and Children. Family courts are not family-friendly and betray the best interests of the child. Until Mothers and Childrens voices are heard we will never shut up, give up or go away!
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Maternal Deprivation Inflicted on Battered Women and Abused Children – This is the Father Rights Movement
"Maternal Deprivation Abuse is featured on BMLCTA Blog in an effort to wipe out this heinous crime against mothers and children."
Maternal Deprivation, or Motherlessness, is occurring with alarming frequency due to the unethical treatment of women and children in family court. Maternal Deprivation is inflicting abuse by severing the mother-child bond. It is a form of abuse that men inflict on both the mother and children, especially men who claim they are “parentally alienated” from their children when there are complaints of abusive treatment by the father.
Maternal Deprivation occurs when men seek to keep their children from being raised by their mothers who are the children’s natural caretakers. Some men murder the mothers of their own children. Others seek to sever the maternal bonds by making false allegations of fictitious psychological syndromes in a deliberate effort to change custody and/or keep the child from having contact with their mother when there are legal proceedings. A twisted form of Maternal Deprivation is to kill the children, so that the mother will be left to suffer. Sometimes there are family annihilation murders where the father kills the children and himself (or dies by cop), but the mother is not killed because she has received protective orders and her children have not as in the case of Jessica Gonzales.
In seeking to define this form of abuse certain common elements are found in the Maternal Deprivation scenario as follows:
- History of domestic abuse that could be physical, psychological, sexual, and/or social abuse occurring on or off again, occasionally, or chronically which could be mild, moderate, or severe, including homicidal and/or suicidal threats.
- Legal proceedings relating to abuse
- Hiring of “Fathers Rights” attorney
- Use of “Hired Gun” mental health professionals to make accusations of psychological disorder against the mother and children in deliberate effort to excuse abuse and change custody or grant visitation that is contrary to safety concerns. Another name for these unethical professionals are “Whores of the Courts“
- Raising claims of “psychological disorders” against the mother such as “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS),Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, Lying Litigant Syndrome, Hostile Aggressive Parenting or any other mother-blaming psychological disorder that can be used by the unethical professional to re-victimize the victims.
- Infliction of “Legal Abuse” by continually and excessively filing motions so that the mother continually has to defend herself and her child(ren) causing financial and emotional devastation.
- Can occur in response to child support legal proceedings as retaliation.
The intent of “Maternal Deprivation” is to punish the mother and the child for revealing the abuse and to falsely claim that they are not abusive. This very commonly occurs as there are more and more “abuse-excuse”parental alienation accusing professionals who use this scientifically invalid theory over and over to achieve specific goals of the person paying them. Maternal Deprivation can also occur in response to child support legal proceedings. When occurring in this manner, Maternal Deprivation is a response to the financial demands as retaliation. Suddenly the father who had little prior involvement wants to take the kids half the time to avoid child support obligations, etc. When the men are really abusive, they ask for sole custody and demand the mother of the child pay them.
Although some people call this “Maternal Alienation”, a distinction needs to be made as the pro-pedophilia “Parental Alienation Syndrome” and the use of the word “Alienation” are most often used AGAINST battered women and abused children. There needs to be a distinction between the phony psychological syndrome and the intentional infliction of abuse on a mother and child by intentionally severing their natural bond. This distinction can best be made by NOT using the label of “Alienation” which will always be associated with the pro-pedophilia monster Doctor Richard Gardner.
Some of the characteristics of the especially heinous abusers who inflict Maternal Deprivation include but are not limited to the following:
- Un-empathetic (Lacks Empathy)
- Guilt inducing
- Intentionally tries to humiliate mother and/or child
- Harsh, rigid and punitive parenting style
- Outrage at child’s challenge of authority
- May use force to reassert parental position
- Dismissive of child’s feelings and negative attitudes
- Vents rage, blames mother for “brainwashing” child and takes no responsibility
- Challenges child’s beliefs and/or attitudes and tries to convince them otherwise
- Inept and unempathic pursuit of child, pushes calls and letters, unannounced or embarrassing visits
There is a distinct overlap of the intimate terrorist type domestic violence abuser with the Maternal Deprivation abusers as follows:
- Coercion and threats
- Emotional abuse
- Minimizing, denying and blaming (Hallmarks of PAS)
- Using children
- Economic abuse
- Male privilege
The people who most often engage in Maternal Deprivation Abuse are most often:
- Abusive men
- Vindictive second wives who don’t want to deal with the real mother of the children
- Paternal grandparents who raised dysfunctional children (abusers)
The effects of Maternal Deprivation often cause the children to become psychotic, depressed, and sometimes suicidal or to have suicidal ideations. Another terrible reaction is when the child retaliates against the parent who accusesParental Alienation Syndrome as in a Texas case where the child killed his father. Other times when the Maternal Deprivation abuser completely takes over the will of the child by using brainwashing techniques similar to those used in prison camps where deprivation and isolation are used to force ideological changes in captives, these children often have a sort of trauma-bonding with the abuser and model their behavior. Sometimes these children will also abuse the mother in the same manner as the father. Another generation is created to carry on the abuse, and will likely do the same to their own spouse and children.
For more articles involving Maternal Deprivation:
- The Crime Report – Failure To Protect The Crisis in Family Courts
- Failure of Family Court System Leads To Death and Devastation
- Doctor Who Intentionally Severs Bonds With Mothers Is a Monster
- Child in imminent fear shoots father – vindicated in appeal – PAS fraud nightmare
- Cincinatti PAS
- VAWnet Joan Meier on PAS-Parental Alienation Syndrome & Parental Alienation: Research Reviews
Special Bulletin by the Leadership Council: What can you do to help solve the crisis in the nation’s family courts?
April 14, 2010
According to a conservative estimate by the Leadership Council, each year more than 58,000 children are ordered by family courts into unsupervised contact with physically or sexually abusive parents following divorce in the United States. (link to press release)
This crisis is larger than the one in the Catholic Church. It is also more dangerous. Children who are court ordered into the custody of their abuser have no one to turn to for help as these custody determinations are backed by the force of law.
What can you do to help solve the crisis in the nation’s family courts?
Find out about the domestic violence laws in your state. Most states prevent perpetrators of domestic violence from having custody or access. Is this law being upheld in your state? Join with others and work within your state to strengthen these laws.
Find out if Parental Alienation Theory being promoted in your state.Abusive parents often gain custody by convincing court evaluators that safety concerns raised by family members are indicative of “parental alienation syndrome” – a pseudoscientific theory that views child abuse claims as a custody ploy to deprive the accused parent of custody. Too often, protective parents are labeled as “parental alienators” and then punished by the courts for their appropriate protective efforts. Lobby legislators to limit thus use of nonscientifc theories in family court.
Demand specialized evaluations by experts in family violence in custody cases involving allegations of domestic violence or child abuse. A regular custody evaluation is not sufficient to uncover family violence. Nor are evaluations done by Child Protective Services. Child Protective service agencies are usually not adequately staffed to comprehensively assess child abuse in the context of family conflict.
If you feel that the court system has harmed a child you know, tell your story. Fill out our online questionnaire and share your story with others. Careful research and increased media coverage are necessary to expose this crisis.
Join with others who are concerned about the crisis. Examples of some good organizations working to reform the nation’s family court system:The Battered Mother’s Custody Conference, Justice for Children,California Protective Parents Association, The Center for Judicial Excellence, DVLEAP Custody and Abuse Project, and Stop Family Violence.
Support the Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence. The Leadership Council trains professionals, sponsors research and submits amicus briefs in cases to inform the courts about the most current science on child abuse, interpersonal violence, and family conflict.Learn more about donating to the LC
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Attend ALL Child Custody Sessions at NCADV’s Conference for $125!!!
August 1st through 4th, 2010
The Hilton Anaheim, CA
NCADV is currently offering a special rate to anyone wishing to attend the Child Custody plenary session and corresponding workshop track sessions during NCADV’s and NOMAS’ National Conference on Ending Violence: Changing Faces of the Movement at the Hilton Anaheim in Anaheim, CA.
Please note, this rate is only available until July 22nd, 2010 and is specific to the custody pieces being offered at the conference. Access to other NCADV conference events will be at an additional cost.
Attend 6 workshops on the topic of domestic violence and child custody as well as the corresponding plenary session for $125 per person*. Click here to register!
Please see below for the schedule of sessions, titles and descriptions.
For more information about this conference, please visit www.ncadv.org.
Monday, August 2nd
FROM DISGRUNTLED LITIGANTS TO THE CANARIES OF THE CUSTODY COURT SYSTEM: Protective Mothers Were Right—They Are Being Mistreated by the Courts
Opening remarks from Ms. Joye E. Frost, Director, Office on Victims of Crime. The new book, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY establishes that the routine use of outdated and discredited practices has resulted in thousands of children being sent to live with abusers. The research is now readily available to challenge and prevent the common mistakes that so often harm children. The success of the abuser tactic seeking custody to maintain control over their victims and failure of the courts to recognize this tactic undermine the work of our movement and have led to an increase in domestic violence homicides after many years of declines. Mo Therese Hannah will discuss the research available to help protective mothers. Judge Mike Brigner will explain how judges are getting it wrong so often. Garland Waller exposes the failure of the media to report this scandal. You will want to stay until the end because Barry Goldstein will explain how to use this information in your home communities as we use the research in the book to reform the broken custody court system, prevent the unfair attacks on protective mothers and make sure no child has to cry herself to sleep because a court separated her from her safe, courageous, protective mother.
A MUST HAVE—Purchase DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY at the conference for the special rate of $115 (normally $135.95). If you need to get approval to purchase this book, please do so prior to arriving at the conference. Please make checks out to Barry Goldstein if you will be purchasing one there.
Custody Track Workshops (in order of occurrence):
Battered Mothers Caught up in Multiple Courts: Navigating the Three Planets
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